Saturday, December 12, 2009
If you back away they only come closer.
I'm not going to take all these things into consideration.
For once I’m going to act on impulse.
Heavy books make heavy eyelids
At my age I'm not supposed to have these lines.
But I do.
And like my mother ill take pride in them.
Growing up fast wasn't so bad I guess.
At least the hardest part is over.
It still brings me to tears.
Thread won't hold the seams forever.
You know the feeling when you’re about to get sick?
That first wave of discomfort, that feeling that's so familiar that you are able to diagnose yourself.
It's like that,
But with no hopes of a remedy.
It's feeling sick but in all the places you've never felt sick before.
But enough about that,
It's not going to bring him back.
I get it. I get it. He's gone.
Enough is enough.
But If this building were to collapse at least I know I've got someone to meet me at the gate.
Everyone runs around like the sky is falling ignoring the fact that one day it really will. So live while you can.
There will be plenty of reasons to worry later.
I am definitely my mother’s daughter.
And proud to be at that.
Sometimes it seems she's all I've got.
It scares the hell out of me.
With dry cheeks I can lie.
But with wet ones it's a dead give away.
So I'll just carry around a handkerchief.
No one will ever know.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
What gentlemen they are.
And with a little southern comfort, their sweeter than pie.
It's the substance that is so familiar.
Not the city.
It affects me the same way wherever I am.
You’re probably going assume that you’re the meaning for the next line.
But you’re not.
You’re the line after that.
You were stuck in your head there for a minute.
But I waited out the storm.
We talked about love the other night.
And how complicated it all really is.
We talked about what all the fuss is about.
Swearing to never fall hard like the fools, only to call ourselves hypocrites.
You love me more.
But only because your better at lying.
Finally. I'm back in my skin.
But the constant noise is getting to me.
I’m ready for the silence.
At this point in time, it’s harder to tune things out than it ever has been before.
I’ll be frank.
No matter who decides to soak in my words.
Even when you’re drenched, I’ll say what I need to say, not what you want to hear.
And I'll close the blinds in hopes I might sleep in.
That way maybe time will go by faster.
The only problem with that is, when I wake up, that familiar taste seeps back into my mouth.
But so far, so good.
Dreams are only dreams.
I'll save the best for last.
I practically ignored November.
But I guess that’s a good thing.
It’s the hardest month of the year anyway.
I just don’t like to feel numb.
I’d rather feel every sentiment in the world than to feel nothing at all.
It proves I’m still human.
In a place like this it’s easy to forget.
Thank you December.
Maybe you can help me make sense of all this.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Here we go again.
I should quit.
Our bones match.
Even though you don't see the colors the way I do.
No one has ever talked to me like that.
I do it to pass the time.
It's the way you walk.
Just admit it.
Is it strange that you remind me of someone?
I can't spell these words right to save my life.
Just don't ask me to walk in a straight line.
Some days this poison really takes its toll on me.
But only for a few hours.
My smirk says it all.
The moon has caused the temperature to rise.
But only for tonight.
Just the sight of your shadow makes my muscles melt.
It almost feels like I've been in a trance for the last 3 years.
I can't even begin to explain.
For now, you pretend.
But maybe one day soon you can take off the mask.
If home is where the heart is where do you go when it's broken?
My nourishment is words.
And my beauty is thoughts.
So be it.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
The tighter you hold it, the faster it slips through your fingers.
I don't want to learn that the hard way.
You say I gave you up for this city.
But we both know thats not true.
I didn't give you up.
At least I didn't plan on it.
I've said it all before.
It's impossible to tame a wild animal.
I can feel myself forcing it.
Does accepting fate make it in your favor?
Or am i really as powerless as i feel?
I can wait. liked you've asked me to but it will be one of the hardest things ive ever done.
Not because your not worth it, but because I know at any moment fate could take you away.
It just felt like we were on top of the world.
And now, I just feel like we are two strangers in it.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
I make love to the music.
It's not him. It's the rhythm.
He's gonna start a fire if he's not careful.
I swear it's just a pastime. Sometiems I feel brilliant.
I admire you. I seek your shadow in hopes of reassurence.
That won't work. Let's not be foolish.
Why am I slowly being destroyed?
It sways back and fourth bringing solace to an ever changing mind.Eventually the weight of the world will crush me.
Youth is perfection. But when it's all over and done with we are all ruined.
An extra hour on the clock doesn't make a difference.
I completely miss understood you.
I'll rewrite it a million times before I can pretend I'm halfway satisfied.
Just close your eyes. Turn off your thoughts and sleep.
Easier said than done
Sunday, October 11, 2009
you turn me inside out.
and for now. i don't mind.
i'm always up for something new.
keeps ya young, as they say.
i'll stay this way as long as you remain mysterious. deal?
late nights, early mornings.
i sway back and fourth. listening to your noise.
i pretend to wonder.
i can barely count on one hand the temptations.
bye bye brown shoulders.
now-a-days the wind goes right through my coat.
it'll be a while.
my selfish stomach has to learn to resist the urge.
there's more to come. i just know it.
maybe if i go there ill see you again.
this city is crazy.
and so are all people in it.
but it seems to be the only thing keeping me sane.
i try to hide these people but i know their never going away.
ask me tomorrow. i'll probably feel differently.
why is being young so much fun? i hope being old isnt as bad as everyone says it is.
i guess it's nice to at least say you made it it that far.
who makes for rules for this game anyway?
it doesn't take to much to please me.
give me anything i can play.
just let me make music and we'll call it even.
They tried for us and they tried for eachother.
But no matter what, water and oil don't mix.
We don't hate them for it like she thinks we do.
"I broke my promise to God" she says in shame.
But she takes that more seriously than we do.
She'll never stop regretting, and we'll never be able to thank her enough.
She made the hardest decision a mother could make.
And it was for the sake of her children.
So they could learn to love.
So they could grow up in peace.
I never understood it when I was younger.
But now I see.
I am no longer the naieve little girl that believes everything goes as planned.
My mother will never know what she has done for my family.
At times she believes she broke us. But the truth is, she has really
held us together.
A little less than three hundred miles away.
After all these years they can both still smile.
Mirrors hang on their walls.
Symbolizing life's open doors that shut so abruptly.
How do you thank a stranger for giving you life?
It seems as though she was born an inconvenience, and even though that is not the case,
she is obsequious.
Nurture or Nature?
I would say, a little of both.
I don't want to laugh or cry.
I don't want to be asleep or awake.
I don't want to stop or go.
I don't want to leave or stay.
I don't want to run or walk.
I don't want to live and I don't want to die.
I want to stay numb.
I want to say nothing and feel nothing.
I want to become nothing. And then I will truly be at peace.
In sync but unable to be seen by the naked eye.
Simple factors making up something so complex it is only found once, maybe twice, with good luck.
It came like a sickness.
Seeping into my body without warning.
Consuming my thoughts causing my actions to reflect my feelings.
As truthful as a mirror.
Some choose to look into the reflection and believe what is so honestly displayed, then there are the ones that take pride in ignoring the obvious and desire to reamain oblivious.
Love is a funny thing.