Sunday, October 11, 2009
you turn me inside out.
and for now. i don't mind.
i'm always up for something new.
keeps ya young, as they say.
i'll stay this way as long as you remain mysterious. deal?
late nights, early mornings.
i sway back and fourth. listening to your noise.
i pretend to wonder.
i can barely count on one hand the temptations.
bye bye brown shoulders.
now-a-days the wind goes right through my coat.
it'll be a while.
my selfish stomach has to learn to resist the urge.
there's more to come. i just know it.
maybe if i go there ill see you again.
this city is crazy.
and so are all people in it.
but it seems to be the only thing keeping me sane.
i try to hide these people but i know their never going away.
ask me tomorrow. i'll probably feel differently.
why is being young so much fun? i hope being old isnt as bad as everyone says it is.
i guess it's nice to at least say you made it it that far.
who makes for rules for this game anyway?
it doesn't take to much to please me.
give me anything i can play.
just let me make music and we'll call it even.
They tried for us and they tried for eachother.
But no matter what, water and oil don't mix.
We don't hate them for it like she thinks we do.
"I broke my promise to God" she says in shame.
But she takes that more seriously than we do.
She'll never stop regretting, and we'll never be able to thank her enough.
She made the hardest decision a mother could make.
And it was for the sake of her children.
So they could learn to love.
So they could grow up in peace.
I never understood it when I was younger.
But now I see.
I am no longer the naieve little girl that believes everything goes as planned.
My mother will never know what she has done for my family.
At times she believes she broke us. But the truth is, she has really
held us together.
A little less than three hundred miles away.
After all these years they can both still smile.
Mirrors hang on their walls.
Symbolizing life's open doors that shut so abruptly.
How do you thank a stranger for giving you life?
It seems as though she was born an inconvenience, and even though that is not the case,
she is obsequious.
Nurture or Nature?
I would say, a little of both.
I don't want to laugh or cry.
I don't want to be asleep or awake.
I don't want to stop or go.
I don't want to leave or stay.
I don't want to run or walk.
I don't want to live and I don't want to die.
I want to stay numb.
I want to say nothing and feel nothing.
I want to become nothing. And then I will truly be at peace.
In sync but unable to be seen by the naked eye.
Simple factors making up something so complex it is only found once, maybe twice, with good luck.
It came like a sickness.
Seeping into my body without warning.
Consuming my thoughts causing my actions to reflect my feelings.
As truthful as a mirror.
Some choose to look into the reflection and believe what is so honestly displayed, then there are the ones that take pride in ignoring the obvious and desire to reamain oblivious.
Love is a funny thing.